Loneliness is Life-Threatening.. Here’s How to Build Real and Lasting Friendships

Dubai, United Arab Emirates - After a long day of working from home, your food order arrives and you start watching your favorite show alone. The reason for this is not the content of the dinner meal, but rather the absence of strong and positive relationships that research indicates can extend life.

"Humans are social beings by nature, and we have a fundamental need for belonging," according to Dr. Amit Kumar, an assistant professor of marketing and psychology at the McCombs School of Business at the University of Texas at Austin. The former U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H.

Merthi wrote in his 2023 recommendation about "the therapeutic effect of social connections" that "the effects of social isolation on mortality are equivalent to smoking nearly 15 cigarettes a day, and even exceed the effects associated with obesity and lack of physical activity." The absence of strong social connections is linked to an increased risk of the following health and psychological problems: However, making friends in adulthood is not easy either.

Some people are hindered by their way of thinking from building relationships, while others face difficulty finding suitable and affordable places to meet, according to Danielle Bayard Jackson, director of the Women's Relationship Health Institute. Therefore, Jackson and other experts suggested overcoming these challenges and building your own community.

Breaking Barriers to Friendship Jackson, the author of the book "The Struggle for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Communication in Women's Relationships," advises that if you want to expand your circle of relationships, think about the ways that might hinder achieving this goal, and be prepared to make changes. She explained that many people fear rejection, whether it is real or just an internal feeling, while others suffer from social anxiety.

However, as Kumar pointed out, if you never take risks, you won't give your mind the chance to realize that you are actually capable of social interaction. According to experts, practicing cognitive behavioral therapy or exposing yourself to "small moments" of social interaction may help you manage social anxiety and sensitivity to rejection.

Not everyone will like you, so you need to learn how to manage your emotional response. It may simply involve feeling uncomfortable and telling yourself, "Okay, that was awkward," without rushing to label the other person as rude or concluding that there is something wrong with you.

Jackson said that "some psychologists call this 'exposure therapy'," explaining that she has seen some assign clients the task of deliberately asking for strange things in order to experience rejection and accept it. Dr. Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist, advises spending time with friends engaging in simple, everyday activities instead of relying solely on large, rare events meant to make up for what has been missed.

Challenging environmental obstacles to social communication, Jackson noted that some people attribute the difficulty of making friends to the "shrinking third places," meaning the locations where people gather outside of home and work. She added that this is true, but part of the reason these places are closing is due to a lack of patronage.

Both Jackson and Cook agreed that the current culture of convenience contributes to this, starting with: these things have many benefits, especially for people with mobility issues, "but the price we pay is also high." Jackson mentioned that "we tend to romanticize and beautify those spontaneous moments where, for example, you are at a café and start talking to the girl in front of you and you succeed in forming a connection."

But Cook added that this will not happen if we act like "little nocturnal hedgehogs," quickly going out, grabbing our food, and then returning to our caves. Jackson advised not to think of things in black or white terms: "If you look at everything available to you, like the neighbor or the person you always run into at the cinema, you will see what happens.",

Because when you are busy with your screen all the time, you seem isolated and will not notice the people who might impress you. Shared interests to determine where to meet people, think about your values and the ideal friend you aspire to, according to Jackson.

If you love helping others, look for volunteer opportunities. And if your ideal friend loves reading, where might you find them on a Wednesday night?

Maybe at a book club or a library, so go there. Frequent local libraries, farmers' markets, and gardens.

Search online for clubs or events that interest you, or try an app to find friends near you. Take a course in something you've always wanted to learn, like dancing or cooking.

Perhaps you will reconnect with an old friend you lost touch with, according to Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist and assistant professor in the Honors Program at the University of Maryland, and author of the book "Platonic: How Science of Attachment Can Help You Build and Maintain Friendships."

She added that we often underestimate how happy people are when we reach out to them again. And don't forget that you can be a leader, according to Cook, as "many people hope to get these opportunities without effort."

How to talk to strangers may seem that small talk is annoying, but it is necessary, and deep relationships take time to build, according to Cook, who also wrote the book "The Anxiety Generation: A Millennial and Gen Z's Guide to Surviving in an Uncertain World." Jackson suggested that if you meet someone you want to build a friendship with, and they express their love for hiking, tell them that you will send them links to good places if they give you their phone number or Instagram account.

Then send them the links that same night, and after a week, ask them if they visited those places and continue the conversation. Cook also advises using the "listening and connecting" technique.

While listening to someone, think about how to connect to the topic at hand, and use that to develop the conversation. Jackson said that many people realize that romantic relationships require ongoing effort and care, but they believe that friendship should be different: easy, natural, and spontaneous.

This belief may stem from the fact that we easily made friends in childhood because we met our friends daily at school or during sports practices. However, in adulthood, this idea is incorrect and leads to friendships fading and feelings of loneliness, according to Jackson.

Experts believe that maintaining friendships requires a lot of awareness and intention, such as: