Collective narcissism when it is the essence of upbringing

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How does a person learn that he is better than others before he does something that deserves appreciation? This question leads us to consider the role of socialization in building an individual's image of himself and the group to which he belongs. The feeling of superiority may be formed in the early years, through words repeated at home, stories told about the past, and discourse that links a person’s value to his belonging more than to his work and behavior. With time, this image turns into a conviction that its owner does not feel the need to test, because he was raised as a fact.

Therefore, the manifestations of narcissism cannot be understood in isolation from the social context that fuels them. What is meant here by collective narcissism is a cultural pattern based on exaggerating the glorification of the group, expecting others to recognize its superiority, and being sensitive to its criticism. It arises when belonging becomes a source of entitlement to superiority, and when the individual learns that his position is already preserved, regardless of what he offers. Then the ego expands to include the group, and defending its image becomes part of self-defense, even if this requires denying reality or belittling others.

It has long been drawn to my attention that some social environments reproduce a sense of superiority that goes beyond what is justified by actual accomplishments. Its members talk about themselves as if they have a fixed advantage, and then deal with others on the basis of it. This image is transmitted across generations through language and everyday situations. The child who constantly hears that his group is smarter, more sophisticated, or more original, and is not asked to understand the reasons for this judgment, learns to rank people before he learns to know them. He may grow up thinking that belittling others is a legitimate expression of his pride in himself.

Loving your country and being proud of your culture is natural, and it has an impact on a sense of belonging and responsibility. But this pride requires awareness to control it, so that it does not turn into an inferiority view towards others. Love of the homeland is manifested in caring for it, in working to develop it, and in the ability to see what needs reform. But when every criticism becomes an insult, and every comparison becomes a threat, belonging turns into immunity that prevents review. Here lies the educational problem: How do we teach our children to be proud of what they belong to, and at the same time give them the ability to question it?

This starts with the way we praise the child, and the meaning we give to success. When we praise his effort, his honesty, and his respect for others, we link his self-esteem to behavior that he can develop. But when we praise him simply because he belongs, and tell him that others are less than him, we give him a feeling of superiority that does not require any responsibility from him. The matter becomes more complicated when he witnesses adults mocking other groups, and then hears calls for respect and humility from them. Upbringing is shaped more by what the child sees in practice, and by what he is allowed to say and do, than by sermons.

Today, the tools for this upbringing have expanded to include the digital space, where it is easy to build an ideal image of oneself and the group, select what confirms it, and banish what contradicts it. In some types of interaction on social media, the most exaggerated speech is rewarded, and comparisons are reduced to continuous bragging. Appearance becomes evidence of importance, and the abundance of admiration becomes evidence of the truth of the statement, while the question about the actual value of what is presented recedes. When this discourse is repeated in education and the media, it gains broader authority and becomes part of the way society understands its place in the world.

The cost of this pattern appears when society faces deficiencies that need to be addressed. Admitting a mistake becomes painful because it collides with his or her image of superiority, and the person making the comment may be viewed as an opponent instead of discussing what he says. Learning from others also becomes more difficult, because benefiting from their experiences requires recognizing that they have something we lack. Thus, society is preoccupied with protecting its image, and spends its energy justifying shortcomings, while practical questions about its causes and ways to overcome it lag behind. He would rather feel superior than endure the demands of achieving it.

Reviewing this upbringing requires reconsidering the narratives we repeat, the examples we provide to generations, and our definition of success. Humility allows a person to see his abilities and their limits, and recognizing the value of others opens up opportunities for learning and cooperation. A society that is confident in its abilities can celebrate its achievements and discuss its failures with the same level of clarity. Therefore, social maturity begins when the image of the group becomes subject to review, and when its members learn that belonging carries responsibility, and that status is built by work. As for superiority that cannot bear question, it will continue to need praise in order to maintain its existence.